...1095 days...

1095 days...that's 26,280 hours... As of today, I've been sober 3 years. 3 years...wow. That doesn't seem like a lot, but for me it's a miracle. I've struggled with the disease of addiction since I was 12. Yes, 12. And it is a disease, just like diabetes or asthma or hypertension, one that has to be careful monitored and nurtured in order for a person to stay healthy. I don't expect praises or congratulations. I'm only doing what I should have been doing all along...living.

I didn't know how to live. I always felt empty and out of place. I was hollow, devoid of any connection with people around me. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't some brooding teenager full of angst and misery. I just didn't connect with people. And I never ever wanted anyone to know how horrible I felt. That's a sign of weakness. So there I was, trapped in my own mind, feeling discombobulated...until I found "it". Oh sweet THANG! Make the hurt go away! And so it was for 19 years, until February 12, 2005.

Tonight, I received my 3 year medallion. Just an ugly piece of metal to most people, something I wouldn't normally show to anyone. Yet I've always carried a chip in my pocket. Call it a security blanket. I can feel it and know whatever pain or discomfort I'm experiencing at the moment is temporary. I can touch it and know I will make it through just one more day. It's tangible proof that I belong EXACTLY where I am. I look at my chip and KNOW God didn't make "no junk".